Beautiful disaster

She has never been sure of anything. But she keeps moving along anyways, hoping she would bump into someone who would be kind enough to lead her to the right way. She keeps hearing the same stories over and over again - of how her life would be so perfect if only she would learn to make the right choices. But she never listens. She wants to hold on to her fragmented self - and hold on to the few things she is certain of. But they keep begging her to let go. They keep saying they only want what's best for her. But how could it be the best, when whatever it is they are trying to do is only hurting her. She just needs someone to trust her, so she could begin trusting herself once again. She just want to show the world what she is capable of - that she is not just any other damaged girl searching for her place. She has found her place, she just wants the world to let her be. She just wants the world to see her for she who she is - with all her imperfections, fears, and bruises.

Consequence

She picks herself up from another fall. She looks around, and sees the speeding world walk past her. She's in the middle of everything, yet again. Trapped in the center. Trapped in a world she never wanted to be part of. It's all so clear, but not clear enough. Nothing's enough. They are all trying too hard to impress her. Trying too hard to catch her attention. And she doesn't need any of that. She just needs one thing. Just that one thing, and nothing more. She needs the truth. To find the reason behind her existence. To know why he left. And to understand why she still feels alone even after all she's been given.

She is a mess. She feeds on other peoples' miseries. Their pains make her strong. Their tears make her smile. She steals their hearts, and leave them into pieces. Her heart's been tainted with grief. She knows not to love. She knows that once she does, karma will come crashing down upon her. She knows the consequence. So she keeps running away.

She runs as fast as she can, but never fast enough. She always falls behind. Life is always ahead of her. Life always finds a way to bring her back to reality. Back to where she belongs. Back to the scary world of love. She always ends up running back to where she keeps trying to run away from.

I want to make the world run

Control you might call it a life-long obsession, within a year we're already throwing fits, trying to control everything and anything that touches our lives. Our addiction to control starts early and it doesn't end there. The terrible two's, the teenagers, our whole lives are a constant battle between what we want and what stands in our way. Control -- it's a dangerous obsession; take it too far and you could risk losing it all-together. There comes a day when we suddenly realize that the control we seek will forever remain just outside our grasp.

- Being Erica

My words, his pictures

The world is filled with strange but beautiful creatures. They look at you with their big black eyes, they peer through your soul, read within your intents, and try to understand you as you also try to understand them.
 

We file our boxes on top of each other, pushing out those who have weak hearts and little faiths. Our hearts are tainted with green, we always want to get ahead, we want to be the best, no matter the cost.
 

The mists of uncertainty will sometimes block our paths, and all we can do is run through the railtracks and wish that one day everything will clear out. Or if not, at least gain the power to see amidst all the blur.
 

 

Plant your home in the wilderness, where there is only the music of nature, the flavour of fresh oxygen, and the persons you love. Plant your home away from all the present dangers: corruption, wars and terrorism, away from the harsh reality, away from the dying race.

 

I promise I'll leave everything behind. Now that I have you, nothing else matters. Let's stay here, where we belong. We now have the sky and the stars, we can forget everyone else.
 

Pictures belong to: A Separate Reality

Leave me your stardust

 I don't know what will work. This I'll-give-you-space-thing is not working well for me. Your absence is only giving my mind another chance to revisit our limited but precious moments together. And going down that road is like begging flame to touch my bare flesh. I know I shouldn't be there, I know I should direct myself to a better path. Yet, I can't seem to move myself from where I'm standing. My feet are glued to the ground. I don't know how, but nature has become a conspirator of my heart. It's keeping me to where I want to be, but not where I should be.

Love is, and has always been, a mutual agreement. Although it has been said that one love is usually greater than the other, and in our case, I seem to possess that big share, you're still expected to keep up with me and share just enough to get us by. But when you came to tell me, I should throw away every type of feeling that exists within me because there's no point in fighting for what we have, it was as good as asking the only bright star in my black sky to give up its light. With just that, you erased the agreement we never really had.

The hardest part about moving on isn't suppressing the memories or the fear that the absence might expand into years, it's the fact that you know you deserve more, and you still settle for less. Do you think I actually want to be stuck here? I am tired of feeling overwhelmed to plain nothing the next. I am tired of trying to stay in control of myself because I know that just one word from you, just one word, and I'd fall for you all over again.