Why I'm No Longer Waiting For You

Because the only time I say something interesting is when I talk about you. And although I'm getting tired of keeping you the center of my life, it's not like I have any other choice.

So tell me, how can I not be scared when a few days from now, I'll finally have to let my heart do all the talking. I'd have to face the truths I've been running away from. I'd have to admit that 'Yes. Hell yes I'm crazy about you.' The thing is, all my life I've put on this brave act so people wouldn't see how vulnerable I actually am, and then you came and peeled off layers of fortitude I used to hold. With you in my life, I've become just another crazy girl crying over a love I will never have. With you in my life, I am breakable and insecure.

Rejection is not really the worst thing in the world. Waiting is. Not knowing whether you've made the cut, whether he also feels the same way, or whether he's going to come after you is what hurts the most. Those intervening gaps are the real heart-breakers. Anyone still has a shot at moving on after a rejection, but how can you move on when you don't even have the slightest clue of what's really going on. Waiting takes us out for this bumpy-and-ambiguous ride that often lands in misery. And what's really sad is that sometimes the moment passes us by and everything we once considered dear just loses all it's worth.

I've waited long enough for you to make a move. I'm not sure if you did, but regardless I was probably too blind to have noticed anything. Some people say actions speak louder than words. But in my case, I need assurance from the alphabets. You can't act as if I mean the world to you and not say anything. Otherwise, I'll never know what's real and what's not. I'm sick of this guessing game. I can't keep waiting for you. So if telling you what I feel would bring me to your elimination list, then so be it. I'd rather nurse my hurting hurt for the meantime and probably get a chance at being happy once again, than linger in the unknown and ache even more.