Stop

Back at one.

My guts are hurting. My chest is burning. I am damaged everywhere.

I need to pull myself out of this. Away from this addiction. Far from you. I need to bring myself together. Like what reason tells me, I need to move on. There's no point holding out for someone who'll never look my way. I have to stop wanting something I can't have. I need to break free from all the misread signals, ridiculous fantasies, and obsessive thoughts. I need to completely ignore the deranged hammerings of my heart. I need to let you go without adding shame on myself. I need to set you free with no mention of my absurd affection. Because after all, I still deserve so much more. I deserve a guy who would be brave enough to make the first step. I deserve to have a guy who shares what I feel.

But like always, my emotions are stubborn. It wants to take another plunge, and drown in the sourness of life. It wants me to take one more leap of embarrassment, and tell you that I'm crazy about you. It begs for one more chance. It begs to give you another chance. Because as slim as the possibility of you feeling the same way, somehow, in the deep recesses of my heart, I feel that your heart is in tune with mine.

You are the drug that is spoiling every piece of me. You are exactly what I was told to stay away from. You keep me sane, and you drive me mad. When I'm with you, I am blissful. When I'm with you, I forget about the world. And when you're away, I just feel so lost and helpless. When you're away, I have to fight off these irrational cravings to see you again. And every time I try to release myself from you, I bounce back and fall even deeper.

In this combat of reason versus emotions, I find myself stuck in the middle. I just can't decide. In as much as I want to walk away and pretend as if none of my preposterous feelings ever existed, I don't want to miss out on what could be something beautiful.

Help me decide. Or better yet, is there rehab for this kind of addiction?

Have mercy.

Opus: Consequence by Notwist