Fairytale Ending: Part One

Here we are. On our own, at last. Just you and I. Away from the loud chatters and boisterous laughter. Away from the judging minds and curious eyes. Just you and I. Finally free to do whatever. Free to say anything. We are driving towards nowhere. All we got is each other, and your trusty car stereo. The windows are down, and the summer air feels perfect on my skin. The sun has just settled behind the clouds. I can see the gray undertones gently replace the trails of orange. The sight is magnificent. It looks as if Night has been patiently waiting for this very instant, and is very excited to reunite with Day. The change in colour reflects their loving conversation; as Night welcomes Day back into its arms. Everything feels and looks right. Unconsciously I say, "I love twilight, it's so beautiful." From the corner of my eyes, I see a smile creep into your face. And in an almost inaudible voice I hear you say, 'So are you.'

I suck in as much air as I could. We are stopping for a while to refuel. And as silence fills the air - no music, just the sound of neighbouring engines as they roar back to life, and friction between the asphalt and tires - I find my hiding intentions resurface my mind. I remember that I am here to clear things out. I am here to tell you everything. That I can no longer run away from my feelings. That 'love' may not be the right word yet, but I am pretty darn close to that stage. I am stuck more likely between like and love. My affection for you is strong but not strong enough to be able to say 'I can't live without you.' I mean, I'd like to think I can still live without you. I think I can. I am 80 per cent sure.

I don't really want to think about the remaining 20 per cent. I have the feeling that if I think harder, I might just lose balance and fall off the edge. The truth is, I believe that we can all move on if we try hard enough. We can all forget someone if we really really want to. It's just that, usually, even when memories hurt, we wrap our fingers around them anyway. We hold on to the pain because although it wasn't long-lasting, or it wasn't what we hoped for; at one point, everything felt real. At one point, it felt like we hit the jackpot. And sometimes, just that one moment is enough to last a lifetime. So I don't want to think about the imaginary line that's binding my sanity together. I know I can move on regardless, the question is if I'd want to.

You slide back into the driver's seat, and hand me a bar of Kitkat. You remove the foil off of your own bar, and start chewing the chocolate-covered-wafers. You give me a genial smile as you catch me staring at you. Then, as you expedite back to the main road, I can't help thinking how boring details seem a lot more interesting when you do them. A familiar tune suddenly blares on your stereo. It's a song by Coldplay. I would know because I simply adore them. It's 'The Scientist'. I can usually identify the titles of songs I like, but I'm hopeless when it comes to lyrics. "Questions of silence, silence and progress... I mean science and progress... Do not speak as loud as my heart... Tell me you love me, tell me you haunt me... Oh! Should be, come back and haunt me. Oh and I rush to the start... Running in circles, coming up tails. Heads on a science apart... Shoot. It's supposed to be silence apart", I sing out loud along with my embarrassing corrections. You try to muffle your chuckles but you fail, and decide to tell me, 'You always listen to this song, and I don't get how you never get the verses right. And you always repeat the same mistakes' You look amused, at the same time, you look just happy. I know I can never really tell what's going on in your mind. You may be secretly laughing hysterically right now and think I'm just an utter fool. Or I could be right and you are actually enjoying your time with me. I understand that we usually see what we want to see. But in the first place, why are you here with me right now? Why are you putting up with my ridiculous behaviours? And why drive for four hours just to get to where I am? I know all these could be nothing. But while we are both still wandering around uncertainty, all these could also mean something.