Fairytale Ending: Part Two

Cause love is permanent not temporary
And it's driven straight into our chests,
then buried much too deep
to just pull out like weeds in a garden
:Permanent, Jason Reeves

I can't bear look you in the eye. I know why I'm here for. I'm supposed to surrender each piece of me to you right now. Yet somehow, the ounces of courage I saved up for this day seem to have faded away. I'm shaking all over. Why does it feel like I'm chasing a heart that's a million miles away from me? I have to gasp for air. I just have to stop, and think this over. Why am I here for again? I mean, why does doing the right thing feel so bad? Maybe this is not the right thing to do, maybe running away is. Maybe being here and considering this idea in the first place is the biggest mistake I'll ever do. I can still turn around. I can still act as if I don't need you. After all, I've lived all my life trying to act as if I couldn't care less about the world. Why stop now? Why should I let you be the one to change all that?

You're walking away. And all I could hear myself say is 'okay.' Although the voices in my head are shouting to make you stay. Although all I want to do is run towards you and hold you tight. I know I want, need, you. My heart is certain of it. But I'm too weak and too scared to completely lose control. I can't move. I can't bring out the words I've been meaning to say. I am a coward. I am an idiot; who's just hurting herself a hundred folds over only because she's too afraid to try, only because she's afraid to let herself love you.

Love. What is love? Love is a deep, tender, ineffable feeling of affection and solicitude toward a person, such as that arising from kinship, recognition of attractive qualities, or a sense of underlying oneness: American Heritage. Love is a warm attachment, enthusiasm or devotion: Merriam-Webster. Love is an irrevocable feeling impossible to shake away. No matter how far I try to run away from it, it still finds me, and renders me vulnerable in the end.

I can still stop you. I can still run through the door and hold you in my arms for as long as I want. I can still declare my unrequited love. I can. But I'm not going to. Because somehow, I just couldn't move. My feet are glued, and my lips are sealed. All I can seem to do is watch you leave, and allow my heart to a torturous separation.

But seriously, just give me the word and I'm all yours. I'll jump if you jump.