I don't want to lose control

I'm scared of roller coasters not because I am afraid to die. I am not scared to sit on those chain-connected-coasters-with-mind-boggling-speeds that go loop over loop just because of death. Death may mean the end of it all. It may mean the end of me. But death is nothing compared to losing total control. Death is nothing compared to losing one's own self. I'd rather die than lose control... I'd rather die than lose myself bit by bit.

Being in a roller coaster is like falling - head first - madly in love. Once you're there, you lose sense of what's right and wrong. You lose your mind. You have no say in anything anymore. All you can do is get ridiculously scared for your own fate, and hope that the ride wouldn't be as bad as most people say it would be. All you can do is watch yourself fall down, get back up, and fall back down once again. You can't do anything when you get thrown into this annoying circle of excitement and fear. You have no control over how fast you are going. You just have to break all the ties. You just have to allow yourself to have fun and get hurt... repeatedly.

And I am scared of roller coasters because I am not ready to break all the barriers yet. I am not ready to lose my mind. I'm not ready to hand my fate over to the endless cycle of happiness and pain. I am not yet ready to lose every piece of my heart. I'm not ready to get broken down. I am not ready to fall in love.